24 Games for Windows 95/24 Games for Windows 95.iso/win/program/crypto2.dat

Text File | 1993-10-27 | 77.6 KB | 1,291 lines

#...poetry, like chastity, can be carried too far. -- Mark Twain
#A bird in the bush usually has a friend in there with him.
#A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.
#A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
#A boss with no humor is like a job that's no fun.
#A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
#A dean is to a faculty as a hydrant is to a dog. -- Alfred Kahn
#A fail-safe circuit will destroy others. -- Klipstein
#A fool and his money stabilize the economy.
#A home where the buffalo roam... is messy.
#A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance from Mom.
#A kid'll eat the middle of an Oreo, eventually.
#A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction.
#A man without a woman is like a fish without gills.
#A penny saved is an economic breakthrough.
#A poet who reads his verse in public might have other nasty habits.
#A quarter ounce of chocolate equals four pounds of fat.
#A sadist is a masochist who follows the Golden Rule.
#A small town that cannot support one lawyer can always support two.
#A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals.
#A wedding is a funeral where a man smells his own flowers.
#A young child is a noise with dirt on it.
#Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.
#About all some men accomplish in life is to send a son to Harvard.
#About the only thing on a farm that has an easy time is the dog.
#Absence makes the heart grow fonder... for someone else.
#Academy: A modern school where football is taught.
#Acting: An art that consists of keeping the audience from coughing.
#Actors will happen in the best-regulated families.
#Advanced design: Upper management doesn't understand it.
#Adventure is a sign of incompetence. -- Amundsen
#Age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill.
#Alcoholic: Someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.
#Alimony and bribes will engage a large share of your wealth.
#All generalizations are useless, including this one.
#All new: Parts not interchangeable with previous model.
#All signs in metric for the next 20 miles. -- road sign in Ohio
#All the men on my staff can type. -- Bella Abzug
#All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
#All things are possible, except skiing thru a revolving door.
#Always leave room to add an explanation if it doesn't work out.
#Always remember that you are unique... just like everyone else.
#Ambiguity: Telling the truth when you don't mean to.
#Amnesia used to be my favorite word, but then I forgot it.
#An apple a day keeps the doctor away... if it is aimed well.
#An apple a day makes 365 apples a year. -- Tom Weller
#An apple every eight hours keeps three doctors away.
#An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
#An informed citizen panics more intelligently.
#An object at rest will always be in the wrong place.
#An object in motion will always be headed in the wrong direction.
#An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys. -- Van Roy
#Antonym: The opposite of the word you are trying to think of.
#Any country with "democratic" in the title isn't. -- Murray
#Any landing you can walk away from is a good one.
#Any simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way. -- Malek
#Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
#Apart from the unknowns, everything is obvious. -- James Hogan
#Appearances are not everything; it just looks like they are.
#Archeology is the only profession where your future lies in ruins.
#Arguments with furniture are rarely productive.
#Art is anything you can get away with. -- Marshall McLuhan
#As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?
#As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?
#Bachelor: A guy who is footloose and fiancee-free.
#Bachelor: A man who never made the same mistake once.
#Ban the bomb. Save the world for conventional warfare.
#Barium: What doctors do when treatment fails.
#Baseball is to football as Beethoven is to rap. -- Patrick Mott
#Be braver -- you can't cross a chasm in two small jumps.
#Be content with what you've got, but be sure you've got plenty.
#Behaviorism is the art of pulling habits out of rats. -- O'Neill
#Being popular is important. Otherwise people might not like you.
#Benjamin Franklin produced electricity by rubbing cats backwards.
#Best gift for the person who has everything: A burglar alarm.
#Bigamy is having one spouse too many. Monogamy is the same.
#Blessed are the young for they shall inherit the national debt.
#Bore: A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
#Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
#Brigands ask for your money or your life; spouses require them both.
#Broad-mindedness: The result of flattening high-mindedness out.
#Bureaucracy: A method of transforming energy into solid waste.
#Bureaucrat: A person who cuts red tape sideways. -- J. McCabe
#Business will be either better or worse. -- Calvin Coolidge
#But officer, I stopped for the last one, and it was green!
#Calling a person a runner-up is a polite way of saying they lost.
#Capitalism is based on the assumption that you can win.
#Cauterize: Made eye contact with a woman.
#Charity: A thing that begins at home and usually stays there.
#Chemicals: Noxious substances from which modern foods are made.
#Circle: A line that meets its other end without ending.
#College isn't the place to go for ideas. -- Hellen Keller
#College: The fountains of knowledge, where everyone goes to drink.
#Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious. -- Peter Ustinov
#Committees do harm merely by existing. -- Freeman Dyson
#Computers are useless; they can only give answers. -- Picasso
#Conscience: The thing that hurts when everything else feels great.
#Conservative: A Liberal who has just been mugged.
#Conservative: One who is too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
#Consultation: Medical term meaning "to share the wealth."
#Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
#Could you be a poster child for retroactive birth control?
#Death has been proven to be 99% fatal to laboratory rats.
#Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.
#Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired. -- R. Geis
#Death is the greatest kick of all. That's why they save it for last.
#Death: To stop sinning suddenly. -- Elbert Hubbard
#Democracy: The worship of Jackals by Jackasses. -- H. L. Mencken
#Design simplicity: Developed on a shoe-string budget.
#Dinner is ready when the smoke alarm goes off.
#Diplomacy: The art of letting someone else have your way.
#Diplomacy: The art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock.
#Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
#Distinctive: A different color or shape than our competitors.
#Do married people live longer, or does it just seem that way?
#Do not merely believe in miracles; rely on them. -- Finagle
#Don't be humble ... you're not that great. -- Golda Meir
#Don't be humble... you're not that great. -- Golda Meir
#Don't force it, get a larger hammer. -- Anthony
#Don't get stuck in a closet; wear yourself out.
#Don't give someone a piece of your mind unless you can afford it.
#Don't hit a man when he's down -- kick him; it's easier.
#Don't lend people money... it gives them amnesia.
#Don't let your mind wander -- it's too little to be let out alone.
#Don't mind him; politicians always sound like that.
#Don't say yes until I finish talking. -- Darryl Zanuck
#Don't steal. The government hates competition.
#Don't sweat the petty things -- just pet the sweaty things.
#Don't tell any big lies today.  Small ones can be just as effective.
#Don't undertake vast projects with half-vast ideas.
#Don't use no double negatives, not never.
#Don't you have anything more useful you could be doing?
#Drive carefully. We are overstocked. -- sign in junkyard
#Dying is easy. Comedy is difficult.
#Earn cash in your spare time -- blackmail your friends
#Eat drink and be merry, for tomorrow it might be illegal.
#Eat drink and be merry, for tomorrow they may make it illegal.
#Education helps earning capacity. Ask any college professor.
#Egotism: Doing a crossword puzzle with a pen.
#Either that wallpaper goes, or I do. -- last words of Oscar Wilde
#Elections come and go, but politics are always with us.
#Electricity comes from electrons; morality comes from morons.
#Eliminate government waste, no matter how much it costs!
#Every creature has within him the wild, uncontrollable urge to punt.
#Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
#Everything in moderation, including moderation.
#Everything is actually everything else, just recycled.
#Everything is always done for the wrong reasons. -- O'Brian
#Everything put together falls apart sooner or later. -- Simon
#Everything worthwhile is mandatory, prohibited, or taxed.
#Everything you know is wrong, but you can be straightened out.
#Exceptions prove the rule, and wreck the budget. -- Miller
#Exclusive: We are the only ones who have the documentation.
#Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
#Famous last words: Don't worry, I can handle it.
#Federal Reserve: A reserve where federal employees hunt wild game.
#Fidelity: A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
#Field tested: Manufacturing doesn't have a test system.
#Foolproof operation: No provision for adjustment.
#Fools rush in -- and get the best seats in the house.
#Form follows function, and often obliterates it.
#Fortune favors the lucky. -- Tom Weller
#Fossil flowers come from the Petrified Florist.
#Four wheel drive: Lets you get more stuck, further from help.
#Freedom is just chaos, with better lighting. -- Alan Foster
#Friends: People who borrow my books and set wet glasses on them.
#Friends: People who know you well, but like you anyway.
#Genius is the infinite capacity for picking brains.
#Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
#Give a skeptic an inch and he'll measure it.
#Give me a sleeping pill and tell me your troubles.
#Give me chastity and continence, but not just now. -- St. Augustine
#Give your very best today. Heaven knows it is little enough.
#Go away. I'm all right. -- last words of H. G. Wells
#Go to Heaven for the climate but Hell for the company. -- Mark Twain
#God gives us relatives; thank goodness we can chose our friends.
#God, I ask for patience -- and I want it right now!
#Good day for a change of scene. Repaper the bedroom wall.
#Good sopranos and tenors have resonance -- where others have brains.
#Graft: An illegal means of uniting trees to make money.
#Gravity: What you get when you eat too much and too fast.
#Grub first, then ethics. -- Bertolt Brecht
#Had there been an actual emergency, you would no longer be here.
#Hangover: The wrath of grapes.
#Happiness is having a scratch for every itch. -- Ogden Nash
#Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
#Having children will turn you into your parents.
#He has the heart of a little child... it's in a jar on his desk.
#He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides.
#He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.
#He who has a shady past knows that nice guys finish last.
#He who hesitates is a damned fool. -- Mae West
#He who hesitates is probably right.
#He who is content with his lot probably has a lot.
#He who laughs last didn't get the joke.
#He who shouts the loudest has the floor. -- Swipple
#Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
#Heat expands: In the summer the days are longer.
#Help stamp out and abolish redundancy.
#History does not repeat itself; historians merely repeat each other.
#Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.
#How come wrong numbers are never busy?
#How many weeks are there in a light year?
#How much sin can you get away with and still go to heaven?
#How sharper than a hound's tooth it is to have a thankless serpent.
#How to regain your virginity: Reverse the process until it returns.
#How wonderful opera would be if there were no singers.
#Human beings were created by water to transport it uphill.
#Humor is the best antidote to reality.
#I am a Libra. Libras don't believe in astrology. -- Al Hibbs
#I am going to live forever, or die trying! -- Spider Robinson
#I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat. -- Will Rogers
#I bet you have never seen a plumber bite his nails.
#I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
#I do desire we may be better strangers. -- Shakespeare
#I do not fear computers.. I fear the lack of them. -- Isaac Asimov
#I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it. -- Mae West
#I hate quotations.  Tell me what you know. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
#I hate quotations. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
#I have a perfect cure for a sore throat. Cut it. -- Alfred Hitchcock
#I have been in more laps than a napkin. -- Mae West
#I just need enough to tide me over until I need more. -- Bill Hoest
#I know on which side my bread is buttered. -- John Heywood
#I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
#I love mankind... It's people I hate. -- Schulz
#I think that I shall never see a billboard lovely as a tree. -- Nash
#I used to be Snow White, but I drifted. -- Mae West
#I used to be indecisive; now I'm not sure. -- GRAFFITI
#I used to get high on life, but lately I have built up a resistance.
#I will always love the false image I had of you.
#I will meet you at the corner of Walk and Don't Walk.
#I would give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
#I would like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
#I'm in Pittsburgh. Why am I here? -- Harold Urey
#Ice cream cures all ills. Temporarily. -- Seleznick
#If God is perfect, why did he create discontinuous functions?
#If I had any humility I would be perfect. -- Ted Turner
#If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will. -- Silverman
#If a straight line fit is required, obtain only two data points.
#If at first you do succeed, try to hide your astonishment.
#If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
#If at first you don't succeed, quit; don't be a nut about success.
#If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
#If at first you don't succeed, your successor will. -- Lord Birdwood
#If entropy is increasing, where is it coming from?
#If flattery gets you nowhere, try bribery.
#If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people?
#If it is worth doing, it is worth doing for money.
#If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
#If it pours before seven, it has rained by eleven.
#If it wasn't for Newton, we wouldn't have to eat bruised apples.
#If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
#If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
#If little else, the brain is an educational toy. -- Tom Robbins
#If one hundred people do a foolish thing, one will become injured.
#If only I could be respected without having to be respectable.
#If reproducibility might be a problem, conduct the test only once.
#If sound can't travel in a vacuum, why are vacuum cleaners so noisy?
#If the ship is not sinking, the rats must be the ones not leaving.
#If there is light at the end of the tunnel... ORDER MORE TUNNEL.
#If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex? -- Art Hoppe
#If this saying did not exist, somebody would have invented it.
#If time heals all wounds, how come bellybuttons don't fill in?
#If you are a fatalist, what can you do about it? -- Ann Edwards-Duff
#If you are seen fixing it, you will be blamed for breaking it.
#If you can lead it to water and force it to drink, it isn't a horse.
#If you can survive death, you can probably survive anything.
#If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
#If you cannot convince them, confuse them. -- Harry S Truman
#If you do a job too well, you will get stuck with it. -- Slous
#If you do something right once, someone will ask you to do it again.
#If you don't care where you are, then you aren't lost.
#If you don't know what you're doing, do it neatly.
#If you have half a mind to watch TV, that is enough.
#If you have kleptomania, you can always take something for it.
#If you have to ask how much it is, you can't afford it.
#If you mess with a thing long enough, it will break. -- Schmidt
#If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys. --James Goldsmith
#If you put it off long enough, it might go away.
#If you think before you speak, the other guy gets his joke in first.
#If you want to know how old a man is, ask his brother-in-law.
#If you want to put yourself on the map, publish your own map.
#If you were to ask me this question, what would my answer be?
#If your parents didn't have any children, neither will you.
#Ignorance: When you don't know anything, and someone else finds out.
#Ill-bred children always display their pest manners.
#Immigration is the sincerest form of flattery. -- Jack Paar
#In an orderly world, there is always a place for the disorderly.
#In matrimony, to hesitate is sometimes to be saved. -- Butler
#In order to get a loan you must first prove you don't need it.
#In this world, truth can wait; she is used to it.
#Insanity is inherited; you get it from your kids!
#Institute: An archaic school where football is not taught.
#Irrationality is the square root of all evil. -- Douglas Hofstadter
#It ain't loafing unless they can prove it. -- Dick Brown
#It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations.
#It doesn't matter whether you win or lose -- until you lose.
#It is bad luck to be superstitious. -- Andrew Mathis
#It is better to be on penicillin than never to have loved at all.
#It is better to give than to lend, and it costs about the same.
#It is better to have loved and lost -- much better.
#It is better to have loved and lost than just to have lost.
#It is difficult to soar with eagles when you work with turkeys.
#It is kind of fun to do the impossible. -- Walt Disney
#It is more than magnificent -- it is mediocre. -- Sam Goldwyn
#It is not a good omen when goldfish commit suicide.
#It is not an optical illusion, it just looks like one. -- Phil White
#It seems to make an auto driver mad if she misses you.
#It was a book to kill time for those who liked it better dead.
#It was a brave man that ate the first oyster.
#It's not hard to meet expenses; they are everywhere.
#Job placement: Telling your boss what he can do with your job.
#Journalism is literature in a hurry. -- Matthew Arnold
#Keep America beautiful. Swallow your beer cans.
#Keep stress out of your life. Give it to others instead.
#Know what I hate most? Rhetorical questions. -- Henry Camp
#Laugh at your problems; everybody else does.
#Laugh, and the world ignores you. Crying doesn't help either.
#Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself.
#Learning at some schools is like drinking from a firehose.
#Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
#Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
#Liberal: A Conservative who has just been arrested.
#Life is a game of bridge -- and you have just been finessed.
#Life is complex. It has real and imaginary parts.
#Life is difficult because it is non-linear.
#Life is fraught with opportunities to keep your mouth shut.
#Life is like a fountain... I will tell you how when I figure it out.
#Life is like a maze in which you try to avoid the exit.
#Life: A brief interlude between nothingness and eternity.
#Little things come in small packages. -- Tom Weller
#Live fast, die young, and leave a good looking corpse.
#Living on Earth includes an annual free trip around the Sun.
#Logic is a little bird, sitting in a tree, that smells AWFUL.
#Logic is a means of CONFIDENTLY being wrong.
#Love does not make the world go around, just up and down a bit.
#Love is Grand... Divorce is Twenty Grand.
#Love is being stupid together.
#Love means having to say you're sorry every five minutes.
#Love means nothing to a tennis player.
#Love thy neighbor: Tune thy piano.
#Love your enemies. It will make them crazy.
#Love: An obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.
#Love: The only game that is not called on account of darkness.
#Maintain thy airspeed, lest the ground rise up and smite thee.
#Majority: That quality that distinguishes a crime from a law.
#Make a firm decision now... you can always change it later.
#Man is the only animal that blushes -- or needs to. -- Mark Twain
#Man who falls in blast furnace is certain to feel overwrought.
#Mankind has never reconciled itself to the ten commandments.
#Many are called, but few are at their desks.
#Many quite distinguished people have bodies similar to yours.
#Marriage is a rest period between romances.
#Marriage is a trip between Niagra Falls and Reno.
#Marriage is not a word; it is a sentence.
#Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly. -- Voltaire
#Marriages are made in heaven and consummated on Earth. -- John Lyly
#Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value.
#Maturity is a high price to pay for growing up.
#May you die in bed at 95, shot by a jealous spouse.
#May you have many friends and very few living enemies.
#Measure with a micrometer; mark with chalk; cut with an axe. -- Ray
#Men seldom show dimples to girls who have pimples.
#Michelangelo would have made better time with a roller.
#Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. -- Groucho Marx
#Millihelen: The amount of beauty required to launch one ship.
#Miracles are great, but they are so damned unpredictable.
#Modern man is the missing link between apes and human beings.
#Modesty is a vastly overrated virtue. -- J. K. Galbraith
#Modesty: Being comfortable that others will discover your greatness.
#Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.
#Money can't buy happiness, but it lets you be miserable in comfort.
#Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
#Money is the root of all evil, and man needs roots.
#Monotony: The practice of having only one spouse at a time.
#Mother is the invention of necessity.
#Mother told me to be good, but she has been wrong before.
#Mountain range: A cooking stove used at high altitudes.
#Mummy: An Egyptian who was pressed for time.
#Music sung by two people at the same time is called a duel.
#My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
#Mysticism is based on the assumption that you can quit the game.
#Narcolepulacy: The contagious action of yawning.
#Neckties strangle clear thinking. -- Lin Yutang
#Never do today what you can put off until tomorrow.
#Never eat anything bigger than your head. -- Kliban
#Never have any children, only grandchildren. -- Gore Vidal
#Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
#Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together.
#Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself. -- Hartley
#New: Different color from previous model.
#No maintenance: Impossible to fix.
#No man is an island, but some of us are long peninsulas.
#No matter what goes wrong, there's always someone who knew it would.
#No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.
#No one gets too old to learn a new way of being stupid.
#No problem is so large it can't be fit in somewhere.
#Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.
#Nobody ever has a reservation on a plane that leaves from Gate 1.
#Nobody knows the trouble I have been.
#Nondeterminism means never having to say you are wrong.
#Nostalgia just isn't what it used to be.
#Nothing can be done in one trip. -- Snider
#Nothing increases your golf score like witnesses.
#Nothing is ever a total loss; it can always serve as a bad example.
#Nothing is finished until the paperwork is done.
#Nothing is impossible or impassable if you have enough nails.
#Nothing recedes like success. -- Walter Winchell
#Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits. -- Mark Twain
#Now and then an innocent person is sent to the Legislature.
#Nuclear war would really set back cable. -- Ted Turner
#Nudists are people who wear one-button suits.
#Of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable. -- Plato
#Of course I am happily married -- she's happy, and I'm married.
#Often it is fatal to live too long. -- Racine
#Old MacDonald had an agricultural real estate tax abatement.
#Omniscience: Talking only about things you know about.
#Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Thrice is enemy action.
#Once upon a time, charity was a virtue and not an organization.
#One Bell System -- it sometimes works.
#One child is not enough, but two children are far too many.
#One good turn usually gets most of the blanket.
#One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.
#One size fits all: Doesn't fit anyone.
#One thing leads to another, and usually does.
#Only adults have difficulty with childproof caps.
#Only fools are quoted. -- Anonymous
#Only through hard work and perseverance can one truly suffer.
#Only two groups of people fall for flattery: Men and women.
#Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment. -- Ducharme
#Our policy is, when in doubt, do the right thing. -- Roy Ash
#Out of the mouths of babes does often come cereal.
#Outpatient: A person who has fainted.
#Paper is always strongest at the perforations. -- Corry
#Parallel lines never meet unless you bend one or both of them.
#Parallel lines never meet, unless you bend one or both of them.
#Paranoia: A healthy understanding of the nature of the universe.
#Paranoid schizophrenics outnumber their enemies at least two to one.
#People have one thing in common: They are all different.
#People usually get what's coming to them... unless it was mailed.
#People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw parties.
#People who take cat naps usually don't sleep in a cat's cradle.
#People will buy anything that is one to a customer. -- Lewis
#Perfect guest: One who makes his host feel at home.
#Perfect paranoia is perfect awareness.
#Philosophy: Unintelligible answers to insoluble problems.
#Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the Earth. -- Don Marquis
#Pity the poor egg; it only gets laid once.
#Politics consists of deals and ideals.
#Politics: The art of turning influence into affluence.
#Positive: Being mistaken at the top of your voice.
#Pound for pound, the amoeba is the most vicious animal on Earth.
#Power means not having to respond.
#Predestination was doomed from the start.
#Preudhomme's Law of Window Cleaning: It's on the other side.
#Pro is to con as progress is to Congress.
#Proctologist: A doctor who puts in a hard day at the orifice.
#Professor: One who talks in someone else's sleep.
#Proofreading is more effective after publication. -- Barker
#Proximity isn't everything, but it comes close.
#Question Authority... and the Authorities will question you!
#Quinine is the bark of a tree; canine is the bark of a dog.
#Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research.
#Rainy days and automatic weapons always get me down.
#Reality is for people who lack imagination.
#Reality is just a convenient measure of complexity. -- Alvy Smith
#Refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
#Reputation: What others are not thinking about you.
#Schroedinger's cat might have died for your sins.
#Science is material. Religion is immaterial.
#Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
#Seeing is deceiving. It's eating that's believing. -- James Thurber
#Seek simplicity -- and distrust it. -- Alfred Whitehead
#Serendipity: The process by which human knowledge is advanced.
#Serving coffee on aircraft causes turbulence.
#Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.
#She walks as if balancing the family tree on her nose.
#Silly is a state of mind. Stupid is a way of life.
#Socialism is based on the assumption that you can break even.
#Some is good, more is better, too much is just right.
#Some men are discovered; others are found out.
#Some people would not recognize subtlety if it hit them on the head.
#Some prefer the happiness of pursuit to the pursuit of happiness.
#Someday you will get your big chance -- or have you already had it?
#Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. -- Sigmund Freud
#Sorry, but my karma just ran over your dogma.
#Spare no expense to save money on this one. -- Samuel Goldwyn
#Stealing a rhinoceros should not be attempted lightly.
#Stock item: We shipped it once before and we can do it again.
#Stop committing useless mistakes. Make your next mistake count!
#Stupid: Losing $25 on the game, and $25 more on the instant replay.
#Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
#Sweater: A garment worn by a child when his parent feels chilly.
#System-independent: Works equally poorly on all systems.
#TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
#Tact: The unsaid part of what you are thinking.
#Take everything in stride. Trample anyone who gets in your way.
#Teamwork is essential; it allows you to blame someone else.
#Technique: A trick that works.
#Teenagers are two year olds with hormones and wheels. -- Will Limon
#Terrorists blow up celluloid factory... No film at 11.
#Thank you for observing all safety precautions.
#That must be wonderful; I don't understand it at all. -- Moliere
#That that is is that that is not is not.
#The Pyramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain.
#The Schizophrenic: An Unauthorized Autobiography.
#The Society of Independent People has no members.
#The best cure for insomnia is a Monday morning. -- Sandy Cooley
#The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. -- W. C. Fields
#The best way to inspire fresh thoughts is to seal the envelope.
#The bigger they are, the harder they hit.
#The chief cause of problems is solutions.
#The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
#The death rate on Earth is: One per person.
#The decision does not have to be logical; it was unanimous.
#The difference between a good haircut and a bad one is seven days.
#The difficult we do today; the impossible takes a little longer.
#The fact that it works is immaterial. -- Ogborn
#The famous politician was trying to save both his faces.
#The fewer the data points, the smoother the curve. -- May
#The first myth of management is that it exists. -- Heller
#The first rule of gun fighting is -- bring a gun.
#The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers. -- Shakespeare
#The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard, and vinegar.
#The general direction of the Alps is straight up.
#The grass is always greener on the other side of your sunglasses.
#The highway of life is always under construction.
#The idea is to die young as late as possible. -- Ashley Montague
#The important thing is never to stop questioning. -- Albert Einstein
#The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. -- Lao-Tsze
#The law of gravity was enacted by the British Parliament.
#The meek shall inherit the Earth -- they are too weak to refuse.
#The meek shall inherit the Earth after we are done with it.
#The more keys you have, the more likely to be you are locked out.
#The more things change, the more they stay insane. -- Tom Weller
#The more things change, the more they will never be the same again.
#The mosquito is the state bird of New Jersey. -- Andy Warhol
#The most dangerous part about playing cymbals is near the nose.
#The next thing I say will be true. The last thing I said was false.
#The older a man gets, the farther he had to walk to school as a boy.
#The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. -- Oscar Wilde
#The optimum committee has no members. -- Norman Augustine
#The other line always moves faster.
#The past is another country; they do things differently there.
#The perversity of the universe tends toward a maximum. -- Finagle
#The plural of "musical instrument" is "orchestra".
#The prairies are vast plains covered by treeless forests.
#The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
#The richer your friends, the more they will cost you.
#The trouble with political jokes is that they get elected.
#The two kinds of egotists: Those who admit it, and the rest of us.
#The weather at home improves as soon as you go away. -- Gomme
#The wind blows harder in the summer so the sun sets later.
#The zebra is chiefly used to illustrate the letter Z.
#There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
#There are more old drunkards than old doctors.
#There is always more hell that needs raising. -- Lauren Leveut
#There is at least one fool in every married couple.
#There is exactly one true categorical statement. -- John Kessenich
#There is intelligent life on Earth, but I am just visiting.
#There is no future in time travel.
#There is no problem a good miracle can't solve. -- Shick
#There is no time like the pleasant.
#There is nothing more permanent than a temporary tax.
#There is nothing wrong with abstinence, in moderation.
#There is nothing you can do that can't be done.
#There is so much to say, but your eyes keep interrupting me.
#There is very little future in being right when your boss is wrong.
#They also surf who only stand on waves.
#Things are more like they used to be than they are now.
#Things equal to nothing else are equal to each other.
#This saying would be seven words long if it were six words shorter.
#This statement is in no way to be construed as a disclaimer.
#Those who can, do; those who can't, simulate.
#Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead. -- Ben Franklin
#Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
#Time flies when you don't know what you are doing.
#Time is an illusion perpetrated by the manufacturers of space.
#Time is the best teacher; unfortunately, it kills all its students.
#To be safe, make a copy of everything before you destroy it.
#To err is human. To admit it is a blunder.
#To err is human. To forgive is unusual.
#To err is human; to forgive is Not Company Policy.
#To generalize is to be an idiot. -- William Blake
#To keep milk from turning sour, you should keep it in the cow.
#To study a subject best, understand it thoroughly before you start.
#To vacillate or not to vacillate, that is the question... or is it?
#Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
#Tomorrow looks like a good day to sleep in.
#Too much of a good thing is WONDERFUL. -- Mae West
#Truthful: Dumb and illiterate.
#Try to get all of your posthumous medals in advance.
#Twenty percent of zero is better than nothing. -- Walt Kelly
#Two can live as cheaply as one for half as long. -- Howard Kandel
#Two heads are more numerous than one. -- Tom Weller
#Two is not equal to 3, not even for large values of 2. -- Grabel
#Two wrongs are only the beginning. -- Kohn
#Under every stone lurks a politician. -- Aristophanes
#Unmatched: Almost as good as the competition.
#Very few profundities can be expressed in less than 80 characters.
#Vital papers demonstrate their vitality by spontaneously moving.
#Wagner's music is better than it sounds. -- Mark Twain
#Waste not, get your budget cut next year.
#We are all self-made, but only the rich will admit it.
#We are living in a golden age. All you need is gold. -- Robertson
#We are sorry. We cannot complete your call as dialed.
#We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
#We will cross out that bridge when we come back to it later.
#We will get along fine as soon as you realize I am God.
#Wedding is destiny, and hanging likewise. -- John Heywood
#Well adjusted: Makes the same mistake twice without getting nervous.
#Well-adjusted: Able to play bridge or golf as if they were games.
#What happens when you cut back the jungle? It recedes.
#What if there were no hypothetical situations?
#What is an atheist's favorite movie? "Coincidence on 34th Street"
#What is mind? No matter. What is matter? Never mind. -- Thomas Key
#What is research but a blind date with knowledge? -- Will Harvey
#What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking someone to do.
#What orators lack in depth they make up in length.
#What scoundrel stole the cork from my lunch? -- J. D. Farley
#What use is magic if it can't save a unicorn? -- Peter Beagle
#Whatever you want to do, you have to do something else first.
#When angry, count four; when very angry, swear. -- Mark Twain
#When evolution is outlawed, only outlaws will evolve.
#When in trouble or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.
#When it comes to helping you, some people stop at nothing.
#When it's you against the world, bet on the world.
#When management wants your opinion, they will give it to you.
#When marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws.
#When pigs back into an electric fence, there is a short circus.
#When spider webs unite, they can tie up a lion. -- Ethiopian proverb
#When the going gets tough, everyone leaves. -- Lynch
#When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. -- Hunter Thompson
#When they ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
#When working hard, be sure to get up and retch every so often.
#When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
#When you breathe you inspire. When you do not breathe you expire.
#When you dial a wrong number you never get a busy signal.
#When you don't have an education, you've got to use your brains.
#When you've seen one non-sequitar, the price of tea in China.
#Whenever I feel like exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes.
#Where is Denver? Denver is just below the O in Colorado.
#Where there is a will, there is an Inheritance Tax.
#Which is worse, ignorance or apathy? Who knows? Who cares?
#Who cares about procreation, as long as it tickles?
#Whoever said money can't buy happiness didn't know where to shop.
#Why did the chicken cross the road? He was giving it last rites.
#Why did the politician cross the road? To get to the middle.
#Why don't "minimalists" find a shorter name for themselves?
#Why is the alphabet in that order?  Is it because of that song?
#Why isn't "phonetic" spelled the way it's said?
#Why was I born with such contemporaries? -- Oscar Wilde
#Winning isn't everything, but losing isn't anything.
#Without life, Biology itself would be impossible.
#Women who desire to be like men, lack ambition.
#Writing free verse is like playing tennis with the net down.
#Years of development: We finally got one to work.
#Yesterday was the deadline on all complaints.
#Yield to temptation; it might not pass your way again.
#You are warm and giving toward others. What are you after?
#You aren't a real engineer until you make one $50,000 mistake.
#You can observe a lot just by watchin'. -- Yogi Berra
#You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
#You cannot determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.
#You know you have landed gear-up when it takes full power to taxi.
#You will be reincarnated as a toad; and you will be much happier.
#You won't skid if you stay in a rut. -- Frank Hubbard
#Your true value depends entirely on what you are compared with.
#Your weight is perfect for your height -- which varies.
#Youth is too good to be wasted on the young. -- G. B. Shaw
thew Arnold
#Journalism will kill you, but it will keep you alive while you are at it.
#Jury:  Twelve men and women trying to decide which party has the best lawyer.
#Just because you are not paranoid doesn't mean they are not out to get you.
#Just when you get going, someone injects a dose of reality with a large needle.
#Justice:  A decision in your favor.
#Keep a very firm grasp on reality, so you can strangle it at any time.
#Keep America beautiful.  Swallow your beer cans.
#Keep stress out of your life.  Give it to others instead.
#Kleptomaniac:  A rich thief.
#Knocked; you weren't in.  -- Opportunity
#Know thyself -- but don't tell anyone.
#Know what I hate most?  Rhetorical questions.  -- Henry Camp
#Laugh at your problems; everybody else does.
#Laugh, and the world ignores you.  Crying doesn't help either.
#Lead me not into temptation.  I can find it myself.
#Learning at some schools is like drinking from a firehose.
#Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
#Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
#Liberal:  A Conservative who has just been arrested.
#Liberal:  Someone too poor to be a capitalist and too rich to be a communist.
#Lie:  A very poor substitute for the truth, but the only one discovered to date.
#Life -- love it or leave it.
#Life begins at the centerfold and expands outward.  -- Miss November, 1966
#Life is a game of bridge -- and you have just been finessed.
#Life is complex.  It has real and imaginary parts.
#Life is difficult because it is non-linear.
#Life is fraught with opportunities to keep your mouth shut.
#Life is like a fountain...  I will tell you how when I figure it out.
#Life is like a maze in which you try to avoid the exit.
#Life is like a sewer...  What you get out of it depends on what you put into it.
#Life is like an analogy.
#Life is not for everyone.
#Life is uncertain, so eat dessert first.
#Life is wasted on the living.
#Life might have no meaning, or worse, it might have a meaning you don't like.
#Life:  A brief interlude between nothingness and eternity.
#Little things come in small packages.  -- Tom Weller
#Live fast, die young, and leave a good looking corpse.
#Living on Earth includes an annual free trip around the Sun.
#Living your life is so difficult, it has never been attempted before.
#Logic is a little bird, sitting in a tree, that smells AWFUL.
#Logic is a means of CONFIDENTLY being wrong.
#Logic is an organized way of going wrong with confidence.  -- Kettering
#Love does not make the world go around, just up and down a bit.
#Love is being stupid together.
#Love is Grand...  Divorce is Twenty Grand.
#Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.  -- H. L. Mencken
#Love means having to say you're sorry every five minutes.
#Love means nothing to a tennis player.
#Love thy neighbor as thyself, but choose thy neighborhood.  -- Louise Beal
#Love thy neighbor:  Tune thy piano.
#Love your enemies.  It will make them crazy.
#Love:  An obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.
#Love:  The only game that is not called on account of darkness.
#Love:  The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
#Machines have less problems.  I'd like to be a machine.  -- Andy Warhol
#Maintain thy airspeed, lest the ground rise up and smite thee.
#Majority:  That quality that distinguishes a crime from a law.
#Make a firm decision now...  you can always change it later.
#Male zebras have white stripes, but female zebras have black stripes.
#Man is the only animal that blushes -- or needs to.  -- Mark Twain
#Man who arrives at party two hours late finds he has been beaten to the punch.
#Man who falls in blast furnace is certain to feel overwrought.
#Man who falls in vat of molten optical glass makes spectacle of self.
#Mankind has never reconciled itself to the ten commandments.
#Mankind...  infests the whole habitable Earth and Canada.  -- Ambrose Bierce
#Many a family tree needs trimming.
#Many are called, but few are at their desks.
#Many are cold, but few are frozen.
#Many quite distinguished people have bodies similar to yours.
#Marriage is a rest period between romances.
#Marriage is a trip between Niagra Falls and Reno.
#Marriage is not a word; it is a sentence.
#Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly.  -- Voltaire
#Marriage is the sole cause of divorce.
#Marriages are made in heaven and consummated on Earth.  -- John Lyly
#Math is like love; a simple idea, but it can get complicated.  -- R. Drabek
#Mathematicians are willing to assume anything -- except responsibility.
#Matter cannot be created or destroyed; nor can it be returned without a receipt.
#Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value.
#Maturity is a high price to pay for growing up.
#May you die in bed at 95, shot by a jealous spouse.
#May you have many friends and very few living enemies.
#Maybe you can't buy happiness, but these days you can certainly charge it.
#Measure with a micrometer; mark with chalk; cut with an axe.  -- Ray
#Meeting:  A gathering where the minutes are kept and the hours lost.  -- Gourd
#Men seldom show dimples to girls who have pimples.
#Michelangelo would have made better time with a roller.
#Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.  -- Groucho Marx
#Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.  -- Groucho Marx
#Millihelen:  The amount of beauty required to launch one ship.
#Miracles are great, but they are so damned unpredictable.
#Moderation is a fatal thing.  Nothing succeeds like excess.  -- Oscar Wilde
#Modern man is the missing link between apes and human beings.
#Modesty is a vastly overrated virtue.  -- J. K. Galbraith
#Modesty:  Being comfortable that others will discover your greatness.
#Momentum:  What you give a person when they are going away.
#Money can't buy happiness, but it can certainly rent it for a couple of hours.
#Money can't buy happiness, but it lets you be miserable in comfort.
#Money DOES talk -- it says goodbye.
#Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
#Money is the root of all evil, and man needs roots.
#Monotony:  The practice of having only one spouse at a time.
#Most general statements are false, including this one.  -- Alexander Dumas
#Most people get lost in thought because it is unfamiliar territory. -- Paul Fixx
#Mother is far too clever to understand anything she does not like.  -- Bennett
#Mother is the invention of necessity.
#Mother told me to be good, but she has been wrong before.
#Mountain climbers rope together to prevent the sensible ones from going home.
#Mountain range:  A cooking stove used at high altitudes.
#Mummy:  An Egyptian who was pressed for time.
#Music sung by two people at the same time is called a duel.
#My family history begins with me, but yours ends with you.  -- Iphicrates
#My life has a superb cast but I can't figure out the plot. -- Ashleigh Brilliant
#My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
#My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other people's.  -- Wilde
#My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed. - Morley
#Mysticism is based on the assumption that you can quit the game.
#Narcolepulacy:  The contagious action of yawning.
#Necessity is a mother.
#Neckties strangle clear thinking.  -- Lin Yutang
#Never do today what you can put off until tomorrow.
#Never eat anything bigger than your head.  -- Kliban
#Never have any children, only grandchildren.  -- Gore Vidal
#Never hit a man with glasses.  Hit him with a baseball bat.
#Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs repainting. -- Billy Rose
#Never offend with style when you can offend with substance.  -- Sam Brown
#Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together.
#Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.  -- Hartley
#Never verb your nouns.
#New:  Different color from previous model.
#Nice guys don't finish nice.
#Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
#Nine out of ten people think they are above average.  The rest are in therapy.
#No guts, no glory.
#No maintenance:  Impossible to fix.
#No man is an island, but some of us are long peninsulas.
#No man would listen to you talk if he didn't know it was his turn next.  -- Howe
#No matter what goes wrong, there's always someone who knew it would.
#No matter what results are expected, someone is always willing to fake it.
#No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.
#No one gets too old to learn a new way of being stupid.
#No prizes for predicting rain.  Prizes only awarded for building arks.
#No problem is so large it can't be fit in somewhere.
#Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.
#Nobody ever has a reservation on a plane that leaves from Gate 1.
#Nobody knows the trouble I have been.
#Nobody wants constructive criticism.  We can barely handle constructive praise.
#Nondeterminism means never having to say you are wrong.
#Nonsense.  Space is blue and birds fly through it.  -- Heisenberg
#Nostalgia just isn't what it used to be.
#Not all men who drink are poets.  Some of us drink because we are not poets.
#Nothing can be done in one trip.  -- Snider
#Nothing cures insomnia like the realization that it is time to get up.
#Nothing increases your golf score like witnesses.
#Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come.  -- Tussman
#Nothing is ever a total loss; it can always serve as a bad example.
#Nothing is finished until the paperwork is done.
#Nothing is impossible or impassable if you have enough nails.
#Nothing recedes like success.  -- Walter Winchell
#Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.  -- Mark Twain
#Nothing will dispel enthusiasm like a small admission fee.  -- Kim Hubbard
#Now and then an innocent person is sent to the Legislature.
#Nuclear war would really set back cable.  -- Ted Turner
#Nudists are people who wear one-button suits.
#Of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable.  -- Plato
#Of course I am happily married -- she's happy, and I'm married.
#Often it is fatal to live too long.  -- Racine
#Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to conceive.  -- Herold
#Old MacDonald had an agricultural real estate tax abatement.
#Omniscience:  Talking only about things you know about.
#On the whole, I'd rather be in Philadelphia.  -- W. C. Fields's epitaph
#Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse.
#Once is happenstance.  Twice is coincidence.  Thrice is enemy action.
#Once upon a time, charity was a virtue and not an organization.
#One Bell System -- it sometimes works.
#One child is not enough, but two children are far too many.
#One good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when to cringe.
#One good turn usually gets most of the blanket.
#One nice thing about egotists:  They don't talk about other people.
#One size fits all:  Doesn't fit anyone.
#One thing leads to another, and usually does.
#One way to make your old car run better is to look up the price of a new model.
#Only adults have difficulty with childproof caps.
#Only fools are quoted.  -- Anonymous
#Only through hard work and perseverance can one truly suffer.
#Only two groups of people fall for flattery:  Men and women.
#Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.  -- Ducharme
#Our parents were never our age.
#Our policy is, when in doubt, do the right thing.  -- Roy Ash
#Our problems are mostly behind us.  Now we have to fight the solutions.
#Our vision is to speed up time, eventually eliminating it.  -- Alex Schure
#Out of the mouths of babes does often come cereal.
#Outpatient:  A person who has fainted.
#Oversteer is when the passenger is scared; understeer when the driver is scared.
#Packrat's credo:  "I have no use for it, but I hate to see it go to waste."
#Paper is always strongest at the perforations.  -- Corry
#Paradise is exactly like where you are, only MUCH, MUCH better.  -- Anderson
#Paradox:  An assistant to PhDs.
#Parallel lines never meet unless you bend one or both of them.
#Paranoia:  A healthy understanding of the nature of the universe.
#Paranoid schizophrenics outnumber their enemies at least two to one.
#People accept an idea more readily if you say Benjamin Franklin said it first.
#People have one thing in common:  They are all different.
#People usually get what's coming to them...  unless it was mailed.
#People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw parties.
#People who take cat naps usually don't sleep in a cat's cradle.
#People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
#People will buy anything that is one to a customer.  -- Lewis
#Perfect guest:  One who makes his host feel at home.
#Perfect paranoia is perfect awareness.
#Perhaps your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
#Philosophy:  Unintelligible answers to insoluble problems.
#Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the Earth.  -- Don Marquis
#Pity the poor egg; it only gets laid once.
#Politics consists of deals and ideals.
#Politics:  The art of turning influence into affluence.
#Positive:  Being mistaken at the top of your voice.
#Possessions increase to fill the space available for their storage.  -- Ryan
#Pound for pound, the amoeba is the most vicious animal on Earth.
#Power means not having to respond.
#Predestination was doomed from the start.
#Preudhomme's Law of Window Cleaning:  It's on the other side.
#Pro is to con as progress is to Congress.
#Proctologist:  A doctor who puts in a hard day at the orifice.
#Professor:  One who talks in someone else's sleep.
#Progress means replacing a theory that is wrong with one more subtly wrong.
#Progress might have been all right once, but it's gone on too long.  -- Nash
#Proofreading is more effective after publication.  -- Barker
#Proximity isn't everything, but it comes close.
#Puritan:  Someone who is deathly afraid that someone somewhere is having fun.
#Pushing 40 is exercise enough.
#Quality assurance doesn't.
#Quantity is no substitute for quality, but it is the only one we have.
#Question Authority...  and the Authorities will question you!
#Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur.  (Anything in Latin sounds profound.)
#Quinine is the bark of a tree; canine is the bark of a dog.
#Quit working and play for once!
#Quoting one is plagiarism.  Quoting many is research.
#Rainy days and automatic weapons always get me down.
#Reality is for people who lack imagination.
#Reality is just a convenient measure of complexity.  -- Alvy Smith
#Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.  -- Dick
#Refrain means don't do it.  A refrain in music is the part you better not sing.
#Refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
#Reputation:  What others are not thinking about you.
#Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.  -- von Braun
#Rugged:  Too heavy to lift.
#Russia has abolished God, but so far God has been more tolerant.  -- Swayze
#Sacred cows make great hamburger.
#Sailing:  A form of mast transit.
#Satisfaction guaranteed, or twice your load back.  -- sign on septic tank truck
#Schroedinger's cat might have died for your sins.
#Science is material.  Religion is immaterial.
#Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
#Seeing is deceiving.  It's eating that's believing.  -- James Thurber
#Seek simplicity -- and distrust it.  -- Alfred Whitehead
#Serendipity:  The process by which human knowledge is advanced.
#Serving coffee on aircraft causes turbulence.
#Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.
#She walks as if balancing the family tree on her nose.
#Silly is a state of mind.  Stupid is a way of life.
#Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.  -- Fletcher Knebel
#Snow and adolescence are problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough.
#Socialism is based on the assumption that you can break even.
#Some is good, more is better, too much is just right.
#Some make things happen; some watch what happens; some wonder what happened.
#Some men are discovered; others are found out.
#Some people cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
#Some people who can, should not.
#Some people would not recognize subtlety if it hit them on the head.
#Some prefer the happiness of pursuit to the pursuit of happiness.
#Someday you will get your big chance -- or have you already had it?
#Someday you will look back on this moment and plow into a parked car.
#Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.  -- Sigmund Freud
#Sorry, but my karma just ran over your dogma.
#Spare no expense to save money on this one.  -- Samuel Goldwyn
#Speed is n subsittute fo accurancy.
#Spelling is a lossed art.
#Spinster:  A bachelor's wife.
#Standing on head makes smile of frown, but rest of face also upside down.
#Stealing a rhinoceros should not be attempted lightly.
#Stock item:  We shipped it once before and we can do it again.
#Stop committing useless mistakes.  Make your next mistake count!
#Strategy is when you keep firing so the enemy doesn't know you're out of ammo.
#Stupid:  Losing $25 on the game, and $25 more on the instant replay.
#Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
#Success is something I will dress for when I get there, and not until.
#Success:  The ability to go from failure to failure without being discouraged.
#Sweater:  A garment worn by a child when his parent feels chilly.
#System-independent:  Works equally poorly on all systems.
#Tact:  The unsaid part of what you are thinking.
#Take everything in stride.  Trample anyone who gets in your way.
#Talent does what it can; genius does what it must; I do what I am paid to do.
#Taxes are going up so fast, the government might price itself out of the market.
#Taxes:  The one of life's two certainties for which you can get an extension.
#Teamwork is essential; it allows you to blame someone else.
#Technique:  A trick that works.
#Teenagers are two year olds with hormones and wheels.  -- Will Limon
#Telepathy:  Knowing what people think when really they don't think at all.
#Terrorists blow up celluloid factory...  No film at 11.
#Thank you for observing all safety precautions.
#That must be wonderful; I don't understand it at all.  -- Moliere
#That that is is that that is not is not.
#The adjective is the banana peel of the parts of speech.  -- Clifton Fadiman
#The best cure for insomnia is a Monday morning.  -- Sandy Cooley
#The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.  -- W. C. Fields
#The best laid plans of mice and men are usually about equal.  -- Blair
#The best thing about growing older is that it takes such a long time.
#The best way to inspire fresh thoughts is to seal the envelope.
#The bigger they are, the harder they hit.
#The bureaucracy expands to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
#The chief cause of problems is solutions.
#The climate of Bombay is such that its inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
#The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco.  -- Mark Twain
#The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
#The cost of living is going up, and the chance of living is going down.
#The cow is a machine that makes grass fit for us people to eat.  -- John McNulty
#The cow is of the bovine ilk; one end is moo, the other, milk.  -- Ogden Nash
#The death rate on Earth is:  One per person.
#The decision does not have to be logical; it was unanimous.
#The difference between a good haircut and a bad one is seven days.
#The difficult we do today; the impossible takes a little longer.
#The fact that it works is immaterial.  -- Ogborn
#The famous politician was trying to save both his faces.
#The fewer the data points, the smoother the curve.  -- May
#The first myth of management is that it exists.  -- Heller
#The first piece of luggage out of the chute does not belong to anyone, ever.
#The first rule of gun fighting is -- bring a gun.
#The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.  -- Ehrlich
#The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.
#The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.  -- Shakespeare
#The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard, and vinegar.
#The future is a myth created by insurance salesmen and high school counselors.
#The general direction of the Alps is straight up.
#The grass is always greener on the other side of your sunglasses.
#The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.  -- Einstein
#The highway of life is always under construction.
#The idea is to die young as late as possible.  -- Ashley Montague
#The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
#The law of gravity was enacted by the British Parliament.
#The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching train.
#The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
#The meek shall inherit the Earth -- they are too weak to refuse.
#The meek shall inherit the Earth after we are done with it.
#The more keys you have, the more likely to be you are locked out.
#The more things change, the more they stay insane.  -- Tom Weller
#The more things change, the more they will never be the same again.
#The mosquito is the state bird of New Jersey.  -- Andy Warhol
#The most dangerous part about playing cymbals is near the nose.
#The next thing I say will be true.  The last thing I said was false.
#The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of them to choose from.
#The number watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
#The number you have dialed is imaginary.  Please multiply by i and dial again.
#The older a man gets, the farther he had to walk to school as a boy.
#The one who says it can't be done should never interrupt the one doing it.
#The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on.  -- Oscar Wilde
#The only tools some people are competent to use are a pen and a checkbook.
#The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.  -- Oscar Wilde
#The optimum committee has no members.  -- Norman Augustine
#The other line always moves faster.
#The past is another country; they do things differently there.
#The perversity of the universe tends toward a maximum.  -- Finagle
#The plural of "musical instrument" is "orchestra".
#The prairies are vast plains covered by treeless forests.
#The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
#The Pyramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain.
#The race is not always to the swift...  but that's the way to bet.  -- Runyon
#The richer your friends, the more they will cost you.
#The Schizophrenic:  An Unauthorized Autobiography.
#The second best policy is dishonesty.
#The secret of success is sincerity.  Once you can fake that, you have it made.
#The shortest distance between two points is through hell.  -- Brian Clark
#The shortest distance between two points is under construction.  -- Altito
#The Society of Independent People has no members.
#The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up.  -- Ogden
#The stapler runs out of staples only while you are trying to staple something.
#The supernova makes Mt. St. Helens and Krakatoa look puny.  -- Time Magazine
#The theory of evolution was greatly objected to because it made men think.
#The things that interest people most are usually none of their business.
#The total intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing.
#The Tree of Learning bears the noblest fruit, but noble fruit tastes bad.
#The trouble with a kitten is that, when it grows up, it is always a cat. -- Nash
#The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.
#The trouble with political jokes is that they get elected.
#The two kinds of egotists:  Those who admit it, and the rest of us.
#The two most common things in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
#The universe is surrounded by whatever it is that surrounds universes.
#The weather at home improves as soon as you go away.  -- Gomme
#The wind blows harder in the summer so the sun sets later.
#The word today is legs...  Spread the word.
#The world isn't any worse.  It's just that the news coverage is so much better.
#The world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.  -- Sean O'Casey
#The zebra is chiefly used to illustrate the letter Z.
#Theft from a single author is plagiarism.  Theft from three or more is research.
#There are many excuses for being late, but there are none for being early.
#There are many kinds of people in the world.  Are you one of them?
#There are more old drunkards than old doctors.
#There are more things in heaven and Earth than anyplace else.  -- Tom Weller
#There cannot be a crisis next week.  My schedule is already full.  -- Kissinger
#There is a fine line between courage and foolishness.  Too bad it's not a fence.
#There is always more hell that needs raising.  -- Lauren Leveut
#There is an alarming increase in the number of things you know nothing about.
#There is an old proverb that says just about whatever you want it to.
#There is at least one fool in every married couple.
#There is exactly one true categorical statement.  -- John Kessenich
#There is intelligent life on Earth, but I am just visiting.
#There is no future in time travel.
#There is no problem a good miracle can't solve.  -- Shick
#There is no substitute for good manners, except, perhaps, fast reflexes.
#There is no time like the pleasant.
#There is nothing more permanent than a temporary tax.
#There is nothing wrong with abstinence, in moderation.
#There is nothing wrong with teenagers that reasoning with them won't aggravate.
#There is nothing you can do that can't be done.
#There is only one difference between a madman and me.  I am not mad.  -- Dali
#There is so much to say, but your eyes keep interrupting me.
#There is very little future in being right when your boss is wrong.
#There must be more to life than sitting wondering if there is more to life.
#They also surf who only stand on waves.
#They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist...  -- last words of General Sedgwick
#Things are more like they are today then they ever were before.  -- Eisenhower
#Things are more like they used to be than they are now.
#Things equal to nothing else are equal to each other.
#Things will get better despite our efforts to improve them.  -- Will Rogers
#This is the sort of English up with which I will not put.  -- Winston Churchill
#This isn't right.  This isn't even wrong.  -- Wolfgang Pauli, on physics paper
#This may not be the best of all worlds, but it is certainly the most expensive.
#This saying would be seven words long if it were six words shorter.
#This sentence no verb.
#This statement is in no way to be construed as a disclaimer.
#Those who can, do; those who can't, simulate.
#Those who flee temptation generally leave a forwarding address.  -- Olinghouse
#Those who like sausages and the law had better not watch either one being made.
#Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.  -- Ben Franklin
#Time flies like an arrow.  Fruit flies like a banana.
#Time flies when you don't know what you are doing.
#Time is an illusion perpetrated by the manufacturers of space.
#Time is nature's way of making sure that everything doesn't happen at once.
#Time is the best teacher; unfortunately, it kills all its students.
#To be safe, make a copy of everything before you destroy it.
#To err is human.  To admit it is a blunder.
#To err is human.  To blame someone else for your errors is even more human.
#To err is human.  To forgive is unusual.
#To err is human; to forgive is Not Company Policy.
#To generalize is to be an idiot.  -- William Blake
#To get it done:  Do it yourself, hire someone, or forbid your kids to do it.
#To keep milk from turning sour, you should keep it in the cow.
#To make a small fortune in the commodities market, start with a large fortune.
#To study a subject best, understand it thoroughly before you start.
#To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
#To vacillate or not to vacillate, that is the question...  or is it?
#Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
#Toe:  A part of the foot used to find furniture in the dark.  -- Rilla May
#Tomorrow looks like a good day to sleep in.
#Too much is not enough.
#Too much of a good thing is WONDERFUL.  -- Mae West
#Tragedy:  A busload of lawyers driving off a cliff with three empty seats.
#Truth is the most valuable thing we have -- so let us economize it.  -- Twain
#Truthful:  Dumb and illiterate.
#Try to get all of your posthumous medals in advance.
#TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
#Twenty percent of zero is better than nothing.  -- Walt Kelly
#Two can live as cheaply as one for half as long.  -- Howard Kandel
#Two heads are more numerous than one.  -- Tom Weller
#Two is not equal to 3, not even for large values of 2.  -- Grabel
#Two wrongs are only the beginning.  -- Kohn
#Under capitalism, man exploits man.  Under communism, it is just the opposite.
#Under every stone lurks a politician.  -- Aristophanes
#Unmatched:  Almost as good as the competition.
#Very few profundities can be expressed in less than 80 characters.
#Vital papers demonstrate their vitality by spontaneously moving.
#Volcano:  A mountain with hiccups.
#Vote anarchist.
#Wagner's music is better than it sounds.  -- Mark Twain
#Waste not, get your budget cut next year.
#We are all politicians.  Some of us are just honest enough to admit it.
#We are all self-made, but only the rich will admit it.
#We are living in a golden age.  All you need is gold.  -- Robertson
#We are not a loved organization, but we are a respected one.  -- John Fisher
#We are so fond of each other because our ailments are the same.  -- Swift
#We are sorry.  We cannot complete your call as dialed.
#We can loan you enough money to get you completely out of debt.  -- sign in bank
#We could do that, but it would be wrong, that's for sure.  -- Richard Nixon
#We don't have to protect the environment; the Second Coming is at hand.  -- Watt
#We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
#We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
#We will cross out that bridge when we come back to it later.
#We will get along fine as soon as you realize I am God.
#We will have solar energy when the power companies develop a sunbeam meter.
#Wealth:  The ability to support debt.
#Wedding is destiny, and hanging likewise.  -- John Heywood
#Well adjusted:  Makes the same mistake twice without getting nervous.
#Well-adjusted:  Able to play bridge or golf as if they were games.
#What can't be said, can't be said.  And it can't be whistled, either.  -- Tirtha
#What did you bring the book I want to be read to out of about Down Under up for?
#What do you call 10,000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?  A good start.
#What do you call a lawyer buried up to his neck in sand?  Not enough sand.
#What happens when you cut back the jungle?  It recedes.
#What if there were no hypothetical situations?
#What is an atheist's favorite movie?  "Coincidence on 34th Street"
#What is mind?  No matter.  What is matter?  Never mind.  -- Thomas Key
#What is research but a blind date with knowledge?  -- Will Harvey
#What is the difference between a duck?  One of its legs is both the same.
#What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking someone to do.
#What orators lack in depth they make up in length.
#What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?  -- Ursula LeGuin
#What scoundrel stole the cork from my lunch?  -- J. D. Farley
#What this country needs is more leaders who know what this country needs.
#What use is magic if it can't save a unicorn?  -- Peter Beagle
#What, after all, is a halo?  It's only one more thing to keep clean.  -- Fry
#Whatever you want to do, you have to do something else first.
#When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.  -- Mark Twain
#When evolution is outlawed, only outlaws will evolve.
#When I look at my children, I often wish I had remained a virgin.  -- L. Carter
#When I'm good, I'm very good.  But when I'm bad, I'm better.  -- Mae West
#When in charge, ponder.  When in doubt, mumble.  When in trouble, delegate.
#When in doubt, lead trump.
#When in trouble or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.
#When it comes to helping you, some people stop at nothing.
#When it's you against the world, bet on the world.
#When management wants your opinion, they will give it to you.
#When marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws.
#When one burns one's bridges, what a very nice fire it makes.  -- Dylan Thomas
#When pigs back into an electric fence, there is a short circus.
#When someone says, "It ain't the money, but the principle," it's the money.
#When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.  -- Lynch
#When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.  -- Hunter Thompson
#When they ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
#When working hard, be sure to get up and retch every so often.
#When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
#When you breathe you inspire.  When you do not breathe you expire.
#When you dial a wrong number you never get a busy signal.
#When you make your mark in the world, watch out for guys with erasers.
#When you've got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.  -- LBJ
#When you've seen one non-sequitar, the price of tea in China.
#When your memory goes, forget it!
#Whenever anyone says, "theoretically", they really mean, "not really". -- Parnas
#Whenever I feel like exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes.
#Where is Denver?  Denver is just below the O in Colorado.
#Where there is a will, there is an Inheritance Tax.
#Where there's a whip there's a way.
#Where there's a will, there's a relative.
#Whether you can hear it or not, the universe is laughing behind your back.
#Which is worse, ignorance or apathy?  Who knows?  Who cares?
#While money doesn't buy love, it puts you in a great bargaining position.
#Who cares about procreation, as long as it tickles?
#Whoever said money can't buy happiness didn't know where to shop.
#Why be difficult when, with a bit of effort, you could be impossible?
#Why bother building any more nuclear warheads until we use the ones we have?
#Why did the chicken cross the road?  He was giving it last rites.
#Why did the chicken cross the road?  The rooster was on the other side.
#Why did the politician cross the road?  To get to the middle.
#Why did the tachyon cross the road?  Because it was on the other side.
#Why doesn't life come with subtitles?
#Why don't "minimalists" find a shorter name for themselves?
#Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
#Why is "palindrome" spelled "palindrome" and not "palindromeemordnilap"?
#Why is it that there are so many more horses' asses than horses?  -- Liddy
#Why isn't "phonetic" spelled the way it's said?
#Why was I born with such contemporaries?  -- Oscar Wilde
#Why would anyone want to be called Later?
#Winning isn't everything, but losing isn't anything.
#With a rubber duck, one's never alone.
#Without life, Biology itself would be impossible.
#Women want one man to meet every need; men want every woman to meet one need.
#Women who desire to be like men, lack ambition.
#Work is the curse of the drinking class.
#Writing free verse is like playing tennis with the net down.
#Years of development:  We finally got one to work.
#Yesterday was the deadline on all complaints.
#Yield to temptation; it might not pass your way again.
#Yo-yo:  Something occasionally up but normally down (see also "computer").
#You are here.  But you are not all there.
#You are not paranoid if they're really after you...
#You are warm and giving toward others.  What are you after?
#You aren't a real engineer until you make one $50,000 mistake.
#You can fool some of the people some of the time, and that is sufficient.
#You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word.
#You can learn many things from children...  like how much patience you have.
#You can observe a lot just by watchin'.  -- Yogi Berra
#You can't have everything.  Where would you put it?
#You cannot buy beer; you can only rent it.
#You cannot determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.
#You have the capacity to learn from mistakes.  You will learn a lot today.
#You know you are a little fat if you have stretch marks on your car.  -- Cyrus
#You know you are over the hill when work is less fun and fun is more work.
#You know you have landed gear-up when it takes full power to taxi.
#You never know how many friends you have until you rent a house on the beach.
#You never know who is right, but you always know who is in charge.  -- Whistler
#You will be reincarnated as a toad; and you will be much happier.
#You will never hit your finger if you hold the hammer with both hands.
#You will pay for your sins.  If you have already paid, please disregard.
#You won't skid if you stay in a rut.  -- Frank Hubbard
#You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.  -- Dean Martin
#Your reasoning is silly and irrational but it is beginning to make sense.
#Your true value depends entirely on what you are compared with.
#Your weight is perfect for your height -- which varies.
#Youth is too good to be wasted on the young.  -- G. B. Shaw
#[He] has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.  -- Churchill
#[Nuclear war]...  may not be desirable.  -- Edwin Meese III
#Advertising may be described as the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it.
#Clothes make the man.  Naked people have little or no influence on society.  -- Mark Twain
#There is no force so powerful as an idea whose time has come.  -- Everett Dirkson
#Anyone who uses the phrase 'easy as taking candy from a baby' has never tried taking candy from a baby.
#There are things that are so serious that you can only joke about them.  -- Heisenberg
#If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys.  --James Goldsmith
#The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and for deeds left undone.  --Harriet Beecher Stowe
#A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.  -- H. L. Mencken
#Fantasy, abandoned by reason, produces impossible monsters; united with it, she is the mother of the arts and the origin of marvels.  -- Goya
#College isn't the place to go for ideas.  -- Hellen Keller
#We are going to have peace even if we have to fight for it.  -- Dwight D Eisenhower
#I used to be indecisive; now I'm not sure.  -- GRAFFITI
#Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.
#We have met the enemy, and he is us.  -- Walt Kelly
#When spider webs unite, they can tie up a lion.  -- Ethiopian proverb
#Middle age is youth without it's levity. And old age without decay.  -- Daniel Defoe
#I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.  -- George Bernard Shaw
#Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.  -- Ralph Waldo Emerson